shades of grey…

there seems to be a prevalent image of foster parents in our society – black and white – like the cowboys in old westerns…


“black hat” foster parent:

• in it for the money

• beats the children

• steals from the children

• lazy

• religious fanatics who want to brain wash children



“white hat” foster parent:

• self sacrificing

• saint

• homemaker

• faultless

• unflappable

• knows just what to do all the time



reality check y’all ---- absolutes are rare, if ever found.

i like to think if forced i would fit more the white hat role… but even that role can be stressful…

i am not a saint

i am not “such a good person, doing such a good thing”

sometimes i hate this

sometimes i want to SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS

sometimes i lose my patience

sometimes i am one step (or half a step) away from tears

i want to give the transparent, ugly truth… but that is hard… i don’t want it to come back and bite me if someone links this to who i really am…

when Bee is being an absolute pain in the ass… i can feel that rage that “those people” must feel… the difference is i take note of it – i recognize it – seize it – and do whatever necessary to de-escalate

parenting is hard

foster parenting is hard x’s 2 (or 3, or 4, or a “hungred”) in a fishbowl

when people (well meaning) put foster parents on a pedestal, it makes the fall so much harder and the guilt of the NATURAL frustration child rearing brings about so much worse.

it makes it harder to speak with others about that frustration, about the failures of parenting - and when we are free to speak about our failures we are free to learn from them

its also frustrating because the phrase you are doing such a good thing is usually followed with i could never do that, i would love them too much…

you know… because i don’t