resentment

today bubba was sick... still... so after some medicare wrangling (bubba's current provider is 2 hours away) i was able to get special compensation to see a doctor 15 min away (woohoo)

i love the foster parent resource manager!

turns out bubba has an ear infection.

it was rough.

the dr's apptmnt was H-E-L-L

after being "inspected" last night, he was not just clingy, he absolutely wrapped himself around me.

the entire time the dr tried to look in his ears - he screamed and cried... you would have thought he was being tortured.

the whole time he was crying for mommy...

in that moment, i despised her... not because he was crying for her... because she has made choices that has made it so she can't be there for him. he was so sad - he was completely hysterical, it took him quite a while to calm down. i couldn't even get him to take his medication.

he's such a sweet guy, he deserves his parents.

on the drive home, i kept thinking about how angry i was with them. i was focused on that and judging them.

then over the radio played a song... the song that has met so much to me - the song that was going to be the model of how i would treat parents... YOU ARE MORE.

i can't harbor resentment and anger and be a model of grace and forgiveness...