Sunday, May 29, 2011

Right Age (for us)

i remember searching the web for advice on how to blend foster kids and bio kids and finding... close to bupkus...

now we are in the midst of our first placement and watching the interaction between the two is fascinating.

one question i had was "what is the right age for my bio (or previously adopted) child to be?"

for us the answer is close to 5.

we had hoped to do this a year ago but finances and house issues stopped us.

i should know by now to trust GOD's plan.

bee is at a great age... he will be five in about a month... he is at an age of independent play, he can (doesn't mean he always will) follow simple directions and be (somewhat) trusted to STAY PUT.

he had just gotten to the point where i would let him play in our yard on his own w/ me working and checking up on him occasionally from the inside.

i will say own my family's structure has alot to do w/ the comfort i take in having an independent child prior to adding on to the family (my "baby" sister and i are 7 and a half years apart)

BUT - for this whole foster care craziness.... it helps to have a child who has some basic logic grasping skills.

bee understands certain concepts... when we explained it wasn't nice to "tease" bubba by saying daddy daddy for no reason he grasped that concept...

he "understands" that while bubba is his brover, that chef daddy and i are "auntie and uncle" to bubba... he will be sad but not confused when bubba leaves

also - if he had been much younger the age gap would have been tight.

we are open for placements from age birth to 2 yrs old (during school yr we only take as young as 6 wks so they can be in daycare)

he is able to "hold his own" - or at least not be injured by the semi-agressiveness of bubba

today i was reminded how great this age was - we were at a local ocean center. i wanted needed a mountain dew because i enjoy the smooth flavor am hopelessly addicted. the machine was clogged w/ sand. bee was able to stay and play with one of the games (the center is fenced in) while i ran inside w/ bubba to the gift shop for change. when bubba threw a fit about sitting still during the presentation - bee could stay and listen to the presentation while bubba and i took a walk through the gardens.

i had a hellacious night putting bubba down while chef hubby was out the other night bee played for an hour on wii fit w/o needing any momma help... sigh... it's sad he doesn't need me but wonderful that i am able to give bubba the undivided attention he needs.

in saying that - chef daddy and i are very cognizant in giving bee individualized time - more on that in the future

***** any other bio/adoptive/foster parents have any other thoughts on this topic?

--- please feel free to link up blog posts in the comment section

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