the phrase you are doing such a good thing is usually followed with i could never do that, i would love them too much…
you know… because i don’t
*i mentioned this at the end of a recent post, and realized i could rant on it forever…
i read a great blog on this topic recently (found here) suggested by my awesome friend L
this statement had always bothered me and i couldn’t put my finger on it…
until Liz stated it…
"but my least favorite comment is "oh, I thought about fostering, but I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't let them go."
i never know what to say to this one. I cannot figure out if these people are insulting me , or themselves more. See i take it as they are in a way saying i must be quite cold-hearted to be able to 'let them go'.
to me “i would love them too much” as an excuse… means you think i don’t love them as much as you would.
i realize that is nit-picky cranky talk, but foster parenting is parenting in such a different reality.
the stress of that reality, can put some of the best people in a funk…
as a whole, the stress can be contained, but there are days when something has happened, something that can’t be shared… information that is confidential… and your heart is breaking… and to have someone casually toss out the (subliminal) message that you don’t love your kids, that you are cold-hearted… is awful
i haven’t even hit this point of heartbreak yet, and i try to paint the picture of reunification for the family is the goal – and that we are so happy…
it is and we are…
but to know bubba will leave… eventually… is hard… we’ve had him for 3 weeks… i’m waiting for the shoe to drop that he is going home… it’s living with the question of when should we schedule Bee’s party? will bubba be there? should we sign him up for swim classes?
just because i won’t collapse into complete despair when he goes, does not mean i love bubba any less… i will feel sorrow, i will grieve…
BUT… i know GOD has a plan… bubba does not “complete” me, no one on this earth could, would or should…
BTW - thanks Liz for commenting on the post in which i alluded to your quote --- i couldn't remember for the life of me where i had read it! so glad to edit this post and put in your credits!
you know… because i don’t
*i mentioned this at the end of a recent post, and realized i could rant on it forever…
i read a great blog on this topic recently (found here) suggested by my awesome friend L
this statement had always bothered me and i couldn’t put my finger on it…
until Liz stated it…
"but my least favorite comment is "oh, I thought about fostering, but I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't let them go."
i never know what to say to this one. I cannot figure out if these people are insulting me , or themselves more. See i take it as they are in a way saying i must be quite cold-hearted to be able to 'let them go'.
to me “i would love them too much” as an excuse… means you think i don’t love them as much as you would.
i realize that is nit-picky cranky talk, but foster parenting is parenting in such a different reality.
the stress of that reality, can put some of the best people in a funk…
as a whole, the stress can be contained, but there are days when something has happened, something that can’t be shared… information that is confidential… and your heart is breaking… and to have someone casually toss out the (subliminal) message that you don’t love your kids, that you are cold-hearted… is awful
i haven’t even hit this point of heartbreak yet, and i try to paint the picture of reunification for the family is the goal – and that we are so happy…
it is and we are…
but to know bubba will leave… eventually… is hard… we’ve had him for 3 weeks… i’m waiting for the shoe to drop that he is going home… it’s living with the question of when should we schedule Bee’s party? will bubba be there? should we sign him up for swim classes?
just because i won’t collapse into complete despair when he goes, does not mean i love bubba any less… i will feel sorrow, i will grieve…
BUT… i know GOD has a plan… bubba does not “complete” me, no one on this earth could, would or should…
BTW - thanks Liz for commenting on the post in which i alluded to your quote --- i couldn't remember for the life of me where i had read it! so glad to edit this post and put in your credits!
People say crazy things just because they don't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteI still hear things that set me off in various ways (though different from you).
Latest, "It's so good when you finally have the baby, then it's finally over." ARE YOU KIDDING? for me, the difficulty just begins!