Friday, April 8, 2011

the wait continues... a glimpse of the "other sides"


a few posts back i was panicking b/c things were moving so fast, and it sounded like we would be getting kids in april

we got an email from our resource worker last night (the person who gets us licensed and relicensed), just a "few more" things to tweak on our application - so it'll be relooked at next week - and maybe go to the state at the end of next week. from there it is about 2 weeks until licensing.

last night during his prayers Bee prayed thank yous for his friends, etc. and said thank you GOD for baby peanut...and then he paused and said "Where are you???" (in a sing-songy-hide-and-seek-voice). it 'bout broke my heart. we made the mistake of telling him we thought peanut would be here before easter, and w/ today passing and our paper work still stalled - that's not going to happen.

today, on my drive home i just thought of that... and how much i worry for peanut, what he's/she's/they're going through... how i just wish i knew...

in that moment, a thought in complete clarity broke through...

this is what the BIOLOGICAL parents must go through in the weeks and months.

whether or not "they deserve" to lose their children, i am beginning to get a picture of what they must feel in those first few days.

i am imagining the WORST situation peanut could be in.... trying hard not to let my mind set there. people have horrible images of foster parents. greedy, lazy, abusive, etc. and someone who doesn't trust the system must think these things.

i also realized... this is NOTHING compared to the pain and grief we will experience when peanut(s) go home.

reunification is the best option (if possible)

it should be the goal

--- heartbreak will occur ---

a glimpse...