good blogging calls for a light-hearted funny post after uber serious... so... for future mortification of my son, let me tell you how he mortified me tonight
i am not easily embarrassed.... i appreciate good potty humor... i am not squeamish (after all, i am a MOM)
so, tonight, when i say my son's potty antics were mortifying, they were... but also the kind that makes you want to pee-your-pants from laughing...
we ran to our local mega-hardware store (home-of-pot), and bought MORE stuff we didn't realize we needed for our addition.
we then did the cardinal no-no and started looking around (after 8 pm on a school night - gasp! already have lost my gold-star momma award)
chef daddy and i realized how late it was and he went to check out while Bee and I decided to go check out patio furniture. we are about to head out when Bee looks at me and announces he has to go potty. we live less than 5 minutes from the store, but he has to go NOW. he then grasps his little man bits with a death grip as we walk from the front of the store to the back.
as we get in he says... i gotta poop.
now - none of this embarrasses me - but the litany of info to come from my boy on the potty made me pray prayers of thanksgiving that no one else was in the restroom and plees that no one outside would hear him
"MOMMA... IT'S STUCK - HELP ME!"
***bee, momma can't help you - plus - you are locked in the potty, i can't get to you
"PLEASE MOMMA HELP ME, I CAN'T GET IT OUT!"
***baby, just push
"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"
"I THINK IT'S GOING TO TAKE UNTIL MORNING!"
"PLEASE MOMMA!"
"WHAT IF IT NEVER COMES OUT?"
"THIS IS TAKING FOREVER"
"MOMMA, COME GET IT OUT"
***Bee, just calm down and push, it'll come out
then from the stall in a sing-songy voice
"POO-POO STUCKY, POO-POO-POO-POO STUCKY" (ending on a great falsetto high note)
regular voice
"MOMMA... I THINK THIS POOP IS TOO HARD FOR MY BLOOD CELLS, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO STAY HERE FOREVER"
"PLEASE MOMMA, PLEASE COME AND HELP ME"
***Bee, there is nothing I can do honey, do you want to go home? Can you wait?
"NO... MOMMA, HOW WOULD YOU HELP ME?"
***silence - in my head all i can think is please don't go there
*** then --- "AHHHHH, I'M DONE!"
***toilet flushes
Bee squeals
"EEEEEEEEE.... THE TOILET SHOT POOPOO JUICE ALL OVER ME"
and i, i just sigh... and decide - daddy is taking him to the potty from now on!
i am not easily embarrassed.... i appreciate good potty humor... i am not squeamish (after all, i am a MOM)
so, tonight, when i say my son's potty antics were mortifying, they were... but also the kind that makes you want to pee-your-pants from laughing...
we ran to our local mega-hardware store (home-of-pot), and bought MORE stuff we didn't realize we needed for our addition.
we then did the cardinal no-no and started looking around (after 8 pm on a school night - gasp! already have lost my gold-star momma award)
chef daddy and i realized how late it was and he went to check out while Bee and I decided to go check out patio furniture. we are about to head out when Bee looks at me and announces he has to go potty. we live less than 5 minutes from the store, but he has to go NOW. he then grasps his little man bits with a death grip as we walk from the front of the store to the back.
as we get in he says... i gotta poop.
now - none of this embarrasses me - but the litany of info to come from my boy on the potty made me pray prayers of thanksgiving that no one else was in the restroom and plees that no one outside would hear him
"MOMMA... IT'S STUCK - HELP ME!"
***bee, momma can't help you - plus - you are locked in the potty, i can't get to you
"PLEASE MOMMA HELP ME, I CAN'T GET IT OUT!"
***baby, just push
"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"
"I THINK IT'S GOING TO TAKE UNTIL MORNING!"
"PLEASE MOMMA!"
"WHAT IF IT NEVER COMES OUT?"
"THIS IS TAKING FOREVER"
"MOMMA, COME GET IT OUT"
***Bee, just calm down and push, it'll come out
then from the stall in a sing-songy voice
"POO-POO STUCKY, POO-POO-POO-POO STUCKY" (ending on a great falsetto high note)
regular voice
"MOMMA... I THINK THIS POOP IS TOO HARD FOR MY BLOOD CELLS, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO STAY HERE FOREVER"
"PLEASE MOMMA, PLEASE COME AND HELP ME"
***Bee, there is nothing I can do honey, do you want to go home? Can you wait?
"NO... MOMMA, HOW WOULD YOU HELP ME?"
***silence - in my head all i can think is please don't go there
*** then --- "AHHHHH, I'M DONE!"
***toilet flushes
Bee squeals
"EEEEEEEEE.... THE TOILET SHOT POOPOO JUICE ALL OVER ME"
and i, i just sigh... and decide - daddy is taking him to the potty from now on!
Okay I almost peed from laughing! That was hysterical. If it had been me, there would have definitely been at least two other people there:)
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