more than one way

one of the comments at the very first week of class that hit me especially hard...

the teachers mentioned that those wanting straight up adoption needed to realize that there wouldn't be any babies under the age of 5, and if they wanted babies they would need to do private or international adoption.

one of the other prospective foster parents made the comment about how it's a baby market and tsked tsked the idea

there are tons of ways that mommas hurt other mommas.

i remember thinking when i was a new momma being so angry at the judgemental breastfeeding mommas. i breastfed, loved it, thought it was the best for me. but didn't have the judgemental attitude that others had. i never thought i would be that way...

and then i looked at my attitude towards private and international adoption...

i have a confession. i used to not understand at all. i used to be resentful. i thought horrible things about the whole international adoption thing. i made assumptions that people were looking for high price babies as fashion accessories NOT love of children. i did not think they wanted to help kids. after all... if you want to help kids, why wouldn't you do foster care?

i was wrong.

how did i drop the judgemental jargon?

i began reading this blog http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/ and met the mother of this family through church http://embracingtheleastofthese.blogspot.com/. i also met a mother (whose name i don't remember) who was PASSIONATE about international and private adoption and met my plans of fostering with anything but understanding and spent a good half an hour trying to talk me out of it.

i am ashamed now knowing how when i first heard of Kim's journey, i felt resentful. why raise all this money? there are so many kids who need homes here, and you don't have to raise money. i admit i was also in the midst of the grief of realizing we needed to push back our own journey in the foster care system by a year. a friend gently pointed out that there was more than one way to help kids, it went to the back of my mind and percolated. as i continued reading the RAGE blog and started my reading and research about transracial adoption (just in case we adopt across races). i read more and more about situations around the world of orphanges and the conditions some children live in daily.

then one day, it was as if scales dropped from my eyes.

she and i both love kids.

we both have hearts for kids who need love.

kids who others have forgotten.

she and i are both moms to kids we don't know yet.

kids whose names we didn't know, kids who we pray for, kids who we grieve for without knowing what they are going through. kids who live a life we can't imagine.

i am so glad those scales fell off. when she finally found out the name of her daughter and first saw her pictures. i was able to truly rejoice. this week she will be thinking of her daughter - who is still have a world away, as she turns 4. and i will hold them in my prayers.

while we are walking different different paths... to the same goal. to love kids.

God has a plan for all of us... while he will use me to reach kids in the US foster system... he will use other families to reach children all over the globe...

MAPP Class 1 - for real this time :)

Apparently last week was an orientation...

This week the grand total of attendees was 14.

Quite a few of last weeks people are gone... including a interracial couple and a single black woman. I had really hoped they would stick around. I have read so much about how % of African American children in foster care is higher than the % in the general population. I will love any child and do my best. But... i know that my life experience has not prepared me to raise a child who may face racial discrimination, teasing, etc. I have been voraciously reading any blog I can find... and keep meaning to purchase books on the topic (to read when I don't know!)

Also not present was a couple who really seemed to have teenagers on their hearts. They spoke a bit about their faith and how they felt God was leading them to foster. I really hope there was a conflict in schedules and they return. They had asked some odd questions (like can we blood test kids for illnesses) but truly seemed to have the kids' interests at heart.

On the other hand, the woman who kept asking questions that were not "nice" about birth families is gone, as is the woman who was possibly intoxicated. While I would love to see the class chock-ful of people, I already feel protective and want only the best for these kids.

There were 2 new couples (yeah!) and a new single woman (but unfortunately i overheard a convo after class and sounds like something STUPID will keep her from being able to do it - she and the teacher were upset... teacher is going to see if there is a loophole or something). The new couples seem awesome. One of the couples includes a social worker who is looking at a specific group of 3 siblings!!!!! The other set seem like an awesome couple - man is a deputy... I was paired up w/ him for a get to know you activity. I asked if he has ever removed kids - yup.

We spoke about WHY kids are in foster care. There is a guy, who seems nice and will be great, who added if a parent has died. I asked if that happens often - quick answer - NO. What I thought....

then i heard the statistic 70%. 70% of foster kids have been sexually abused. 70%. my stomach hurts. i feel a bit nauseous.

as my dad has said when he gives people tours of the shelter and is speaking about the need to support the organization. you can ALMOST understand someone losing it once or twice with their kid and using too rough of physical punishment. those people have hope of rehabilitation. HOW HOW HOW HOW can someone f**k their own kid? HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW can someone find pleasure? power?

my babies, my babies... that's all i can think about.

Most kids aren't removed for sexual abuse. but often once they are in care, it comes out.

We talked about looking at behaviors and what feelings and emotions come about.

They used a couple of specific example behaviors, which I cannot use here. CONFIDENTIALITY. officially... it will be a struggle for me but i can do it! One behavior (that is not case specific) is chronic, public masturbation as a sign of sexual abuse. This is of course in the case of young children (prepubescent). Since I worked in the shelter, I was not surprised, dear hubby though, had not heard of this.


The activities were great, and really focused us on what to expect.
 
A surprise at the end of class ---- our first home study will be scheduled soon --- and it will be in the next couple of weeks! ohhhhh crud.... sooo.... ciao as I begin the deep cleaning of our home!

MAPP Class Week 1 - Orientation.... or wow... wonder who'll be back next week

Ok... i know i'm a geek and obsessively research things.

but seriously - some of the people at the MAPP class tonight shocked me w/ how little they seemed to know.

it was almost as if they had plucked 16 other people off the street to take the course.
 
there were two personalities that stood out the most to me...

one woman who... talked MORE THAN ME!!!!!!!!!! interjecting her personal experiences to every question or comment people had... and would end up making the two teachers cringe.

some of her questions/comments that most shocked me:


---- why would anyone ever consent to an open adoption, it seems mean and confusing to the kids, and if the parents are drug addicts, not safe, you never know what they may do... and proceeded to tell a horror story of a friend of hers whose open adoption is going badly

---- what if the natural parents come and bang on our door and try to get their kids back? will we be safe?

The best response I heard from our teacher... "you really need to stop watching LIFETIME movies". she also was quick to point out that of her EIGHT adopted children, FOUR are OPEN and they have never had anything nasty or horrible happen to them



another woman was (according to hubby) drunk or stoned... i think maybe mentally impaired w/ a thick "King of the Hill" mumbling accent (according to hubby - she was slurring)

i know i'm being slightly harsh.... i remember thinking the same thing in birthing classes... don't these people know how important this is????? why haven't they read/researched/learned everything they can????? i was especially surprised with this in the foster care classes because it is such a concious decision. you don't ACCIDENTLY become a foster parent!

So... the class

Mainly tonight was all paper work to be filled out and due dates (oh my!). Good information was learned --- but thanks to http://fosterpodcast.com/ most of it was review for us.

i knew what to expect tonight because i had googled the crap out of MAPP foster care classes trying to find some sort of outline.

best source ---outline of different foster care classes

I love the two teachers so far.

In our area there are TWO agencies that deal with prospective foster/adoptive parents. In order to protect our and (their) anonymity somewhat --- they shall be called Ray(she is full of sunshine and happy) and Daisy.

Ray is from the agency that my father has been involved with since it's founding. It began as a children's shelter and had grown from there. Sounds like they will be doing alot of the support for foster parents. Daisy is from the case worker agency. The agency that is, in some ways, over the other (but not really).... nothing is clear in this picture. They deal w/ adoptions as well.

i am sooooo excited to get into the classes where we learn more information. nervous to see who will return. so far from the 4 counties these agencies serve... we are the ONLY ones from our county!

48 Hours

48 hours from now...

we will be home from our first class...

we will have officially "started" the process that began almost 15 years ago and confirmed 4.5 years ago...

we will see what "other" hopeful foster parents look like...

we will (maybe) have some questions answered...

we will officially become the "annoying" students (i am prepped w/ highlighters, color coded sticky notes, and a soon to be LONG list of questions to be answered)...

i can't believe it's FINALLY happening... i can't believe it's ALREADY here --- an oxymoronic statement but true to the core....

Years of research finally to have the specifics for MY area covered.  Anytime you research foster care it's always with the caveat that it's different state to state, county to county....

48 hours.... we will be home after our first MAPP class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the thought that counts...

Some of my favorite gifts this year were sweet, small and thoughtful...

My dear sweet hubby stumbled upon was forced to purchase my peanut charm <3. He had actually ordered a diff charm (but cancelled the order) of a family of 5!

My dear friend... whom I shall forever now refer to as Vixen due to a recent facebook post :) (and who has been previously mentioned as the giver of peanut's crib) bought a very sweet charm (little heart growing in big heart).

I have been wearing these charms almost everyday since recieving them. The peanut charm has become almost a worry stone whenever I think of my sweet baby(ies) and what they are up to.

The third gift is an awesome book that I admired at my friend's (L) baby shower. (nickname to come... inspiration has not quite struck). It's a line a day book. I had told her I wish we had done one w/ Bee when he had been born, and she got one for our family and our new journey!

I have been itching to start and already have to play catch up as we were out of town on the first.

Speaking of our new journey... 4 days until we attend our first class! I have a feeling it will provide some interesting blog feed :)

progress...

Soooo... things are starting to turn around slowly.

Braden is doing better in school (just the past two days... we had to have a conference with his teachers!)

There is PROGRESS on the porch close in! Concrete has been poured, and I've been told the framers will come anyday now. It's a great position, having my daddy switch services, but it makes it hard to complain about timelines!

Speaking of progress... we filled out paperwork AND emailed it in! Less than one month and we will be taking foster care classes!

I can't believe things are finally moving along!

All of the above --- and I'm finally starting to snap out of my funk :)

warning - whining ahead

So this week has sucked.

Not in an overly sucky way... just a generally sucky way.

Monday was rough, it always is after a good long weekend off. Nothing like a five day weekend to make you dread Monday.

Everyone was cranky at work... kids and teachers.

During 1st block I found out I have to go to a meeting tomorrow (thursday). Ugh. I get a day away from the kids ---> but short notice for lesson plans :(. And it's not a fun meeting.

Then, part way through my 3rd block, I was dealing with a minor infraction of a student, was about to write him up when he busted out with "I want to blow up your car."

Upside --- he won't be in my class anymore.

Then I get home and my beautiful child --- has a red card. He is having a rough week. It is now Wednesday and he has gotten a red card all three days. He didn't go to cubbies today, and if it happens again - he doesn't get to go to his friends tomorrow. We are trying to not beat him over the head w/ consequences, but there must be consequences that are natural for his behavior.

I just have a general crankiness and trying to shake it and it's just not happening. I don't know what's going on and it sucks.

I LOVE Christmas, and am just not in the spirit. I'm reading great books, trying to focus on the upside, but just want to press pause and cry, and sleep, and breathe.