Thursday, January 20, 2011

more than one way

one of the comments at the very first week of class that hit me especially hard...

the teachers mentioned that those wanting straight up adoption needed to realize that there wouldn't be any babies under the age of 5, and if they wanted babies they would need to do private or international adoption.

one of the other prospective foster parents made the comment about how it's a baby market and tsked tsked the idea

there are tons of ways that mommas hurt other mommas.

i remember thinking when i was a new momma being so angry at the judgemental breastfeeding mommas. i breastfed, loved it, thought it was the best for me. but didn't have the judgemental attitude that others had. i never thought i would be that way...

and then i looked at my attitude towards private and international adoption...

i have a confession. i used to not understand at all. i used to be resentful. i thought horrible things about the whole international adoption thing. i made assumptions that people were looking for high price babies as fashion accessories NOT love of children. i did not think they wanted to help kids. after all... if you want to help kids, why wouldn't you do foster care?

i was wrong.

how did i drop the judgemental jargon?

i began reading this blog and met the mother of this family through church i also met a mother (whose name i don't remember) who was PASSIONATE about international and private adoption and met my plans of fostering with anything but understanding and spent a good half an hour trying to talk me out of it.

i am ashamed now knowing how when i first heard of Kim's journey, i felt resentful. why raise all this money? there are so many kids who need homes here, and you don't have to raise money. i admit i was also in the midst of the grief of realizing we needed to push back our own journey in the foster care system by a year. a friend gently pointed out that there was more than one way to help kids, it went to the back of my mind and percolated. as i continued reading the RAGE blog and started my reading and research about transracial adoption (just in case we adopt across races). i read more and more about situations around the world of orphanges and the conditions some children live in daily.

then one day, it was as if scales dropped from my eyes.

she and i both love kids.

we both have hearts for kids who need love.

kids who others have forgotten.

she and i are both moms to kids we don't know yet.

kids whose names we didn't know, kids who we pray for, kids who we grieve for without knowing what they are going through. kids who live a life we can't imagine.

i am so glad those scales fell off. when she finally found out the name of her daughter and first saw her pictures. i was able to truly rejoice. this week she will be thinking of her daughter - who is still have a world away, as she turns 4. and i will hold them in my prayers.

while we are walking different different paths... to the same goal. to love kids.

God has a plan for all of us... while he will use me to reach kids in the US foster system... he will use other families to reach children all over the globe...


  1. Thanks so much for sharing this! God is at work using his children to impact the kindom, both here and around the world. Can't wait to meet the one he's picked out for you!

  2. I struggle with this. I understand international adoption and why it's necessary but not a fix to all this children needing homes. I understand foster care and foster adopt and why they are necessary but also not a fix to all the children needing homes.

    The one I don't understand is domestic newborn adoption. It just seems so much like baby buying to me. I KNOW it's not. It's just the one part of adoption I don't understand. That doesn't make it wrong, just not a good choice for us.