there is something odd about saying goodbye and not knowing for sure...
yes... the plan is reunification... i say it with confidence to others that the babies will leave soon... but in the back of my mind there is that little sliver of doubt as i assume there always is with foster care... what if the parents screw up again???? i pray they don't but... who knows what will really happen...
this past weekend we went to my inlaws for the kids to say goodbye...
i have been realistic (i thought)... i requested we meet at a park rather than a house as i feel the panic rise in my throat at times... i just need space and air to breathe...
as we were getting ready to leave i couldn't speak... the sight of my mother in law busying herself at the picnic table cleaning... to avoid the reality of saying goodbye... watching my babies giving the people they have called grandma and poppa for the past year the last hug... watching my nieces and nephews... so young they don't quite get it wave cheerfully good bye. it was surreal... as if i was the only one who knew...
we continue the process this week as the babies say goodbye to my mother's family...
i have been so blessed... to have a family so supportive... but it makes it so hard now as they prepare to leave... it is our journey, but our family also suffers now our loss...
yes... the plan is reunification... i say it with confidence to others that the babies will leave soon... but in the back of my mind there is that little sliver of doubt as i assume there always is with foster care... what if the parents screw up again???? i pray they don't but... who knows what will really happen...
this past weekend we went to my inlaws for the kids to say goodbye...
i have been realistic (i thought)... i requested we meet at a park rather than a house as i feel the panic rise in my throat at times... i just need space and air to breathe...
as we were getting ready to leave i couldn't speak... the sight of my mother in law busying herself at the picnic table cleaning... to avoid the reality of saying goodbye... watching my babies giving the people they have called grandma and poppa for the past year the last hug... watching my nieces and nephews... so young they don't quite get it wave cheerfully good bye. it was surreal... as if i was the only one who knew...
we continue the process this week as the babies say goodbye to my mother's family...
i have been so blessed... to have a family so supportive... but it makes it so hard now as they prepare to leave... it is our journey, but our family also suffers now our loss...
Oh, this is so hard. This was me last summer. I know exactly what you mean about knowing what will happen, but having a small hope that it won't and about feeling badly for family affected by this hurt as well. Praying for peace and comfort.
ReplyDeleteGoodbye's are so hard. So many people love those kids, but probably not more than you. Praying for your breaking heart!
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