half way home

if things go the way people seem to think it will go (as of now)

our kids are half way home

as in home to their biomom

good

great

crap

i have been thinking i "have this feeling" they are going home... know it was self preservation

hubby called to fill me in on all the crazy court details (all daddy side) and then said... mom sounds good (she was there via teleconference).

all involved are encouraged by her recent progress and they will proceed with the plan being reunification with mom

so different then we were told in the beginning.

i worked for a few more hours to finish out the day, figured i was ok... then as i walked across campus to leave it started... small dry heaves... my babies may actually leave...

praying this was the wake up she needed

praying she doesn't stop trying, stop succeeding.

my prayer has been that she would try, keep trying and be successful.

i pray it continues.and she doesn't let us down... that we don't go through this separation for them to end up back in the system.

i found a picture of her online - a not so hot portrait - but not scary.

showed it to momma bear... look! who's that?

she smiled pointed at the picture, then pointed at me

i think she thinks we are the same person... more small little heaves...

my heart is breaking for her - she will be so confused...

and baby bear... i can't do it yet - can't think about him and what he will go through -

the crappiest part of this gig is the uncertainty.

i want this if it is the best for them.... but i don't want to let them go.... and we still have 7 or so months... praying for strength as we continue to love, bond, and attach... and then watch them leave...