had an absolute blast with the bears and my bee on christmas.
spoiled them at the capacity that we are able to.
momma bear was a little more spoiled than the rest since we've never had a little girl (always makes me think of the line from Annie)
SUCH a blast...
but it brought up issues. not so much for the kiddies - they are so young, they know somethings up - but it doesn't seem to shake them up as much as others.
they were both so happy, but i felt myself getting sad at points, wondering what it'll be like next year.
the after christmas sales... not hitting them - usually i would go and buy a bunch of stuff in next year's sizes. don't know that they'll be here, and while i would love for them to be here, if they were here next year - it would mean the A-word... adoption. which i would love - but scares the poo out of me. it's only our second placement - had hoped to help a few more kids. AND - it would mean we would have FOUR KIDS. 3 boys and and a girl. we would need to put 3 boys in a small room. we could do it - but holy cow.
and the BIG thing. i don't want to hope to adopt them. i want to keep hoping their parents pull it together. it's sweet when family tells us they hope that we'll get to keep them (or one of my least favs - ohhh, they're keepers!). or they tell us how much "better" they look - as if they're daddy was useless. i want them forever in our lives, i want them to be my babies forever but i pray for the success of their parents
it's such an odd place to be emotionally - i AM angry with their father that he hasn't picked it up and done what he needs to do so they could be home for christmas - and so thankful we had them for christmas. i pray that things will change and they can go home to their family - but know i will be in pieces when it happens because they are my children in every way that matters.
enjoying them in the moment... trying not to worry about the future
spoiled them at the capacity that we are able to.
momma bear was a little more spoiled than the rest since we've never had a little girl (always makes me think of the line from Annie)
SUCH a blast...
but it brought up issues. not so much for the kiddies - they are so young, they know somethings up - but it doesn't seem to shake them up as much as others.
they were both so happy, but i felt myself getting sad at points, wondering what it'll be like next year.
the after christmas sales... not hitting them - usually i would go and buy a bunch of stuff in next year's sizes. don't know that they'll be here, and while i would love for them to be here, if they were here next year - it would mean the A-word... adoption. which i would love - but scares the poo out of me. it's only our second placement - had hoped to help a few more kids. AND - it would mean we would have FOUR KIDS. 3 boys and and a girl. we would need to put 3 boys in a small room. we could do it - but holy cow.
and the BIG thing. i don't want to hope to adopt them. i want to keep hoping their parents pull it together. it's sweet when family tells us they hope that we'll get to keep them (or one of my least favs - ohhh, they're keepers!). or they tell us how much "better" they look - as if they're daddy was useless. i want them forever in our lives, i want them to be my babies forever but i pray for the success of their parents
it's such an odd place to be emotionally - i AM angry with their father that he hasn't picked it up and done what he needs to do so they could be home for christmas - and so thankful we had them for christmas. i pray that things will change and they can go home to their family - but know i will be in pieces when it happens because they are my children in every way that matters.
enjoying them in the moment... trying not to worry about the future
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