I truly believe in the providence of God. I believe He has things happen for a reason and that He has a certain time line.
Today I feel teased by the what ifs...
This year B will turn 4. If things had worked out the way we had planned before he was born, I would be pregnant now. I would be either due late this summer or early fall.
Today I am ovulating --- how can I tell - b/c it hurts like a son of a gun. (Yes the Dr's left the ovaries after the hysterectomy so as not to throw me into menapause before 30). It's such a tease to know I am "fertile" but just can't carry a child.
If our original foster care plan had panned out, we would be waiting for a placement. We decided after much prayer (and tears) that we are not financially in the right place. Next year (come hell or high water) we will do placement.
So today, as I am home sick with my cute and cuddly almost four year old, I get an email from my mom (who only means the best) about a friend of hers. Her friend has just adopted an infant from foster care, and apparently she posted on facebook that the social workers are frantically looking for placement for FIVE infants - including a set of twins (one of my dreams).
I feel like I'm being teased. Having both of these happen on the same day is just mean!!!! I must have faith in Him and His timing. And in the meantime... I will re-read the Discipline of Grace chapter on adversity.
God has picked my children, he knows their name, when they will be concieved and born. I have to trust...