Our future as parents... well... as this blog is dealing with the grief of hysterectomies - obviously it will not be "traditional".
I am cool w/ all the options out there. I have no political/religious issues with foreign or domestic adoption or surrogacy. For my husband and I, we have decided to foster with the hopes of eventual adoption. We planned to start the process this January - but finances suck (as they do for the entire country) so we have delayed it a year.
Tonight I heard two people at church (different churches) say negative things about foster care.
The first was unintentional and I still don't think he gets why I was annoyed.
Speaking to a girl whose family is currently homeless (in between rental and buying homeless - not vagrants) he said
"do you feel like a foster kid, bouncing from house to house?"
I called him on it - fast. Basically just said that was rough - and reminded him that one day there would be foster kids in the church. He didn't get it. I thought it sucked b/c it trivializes a very traumatizing part of many foster kids lives. Foster kids today are NOT bounced as much, but even if they were... it's hurtful to joke about.
That alone would not have provoked this blograge that is about to occur.
After my bible study, I went to pick up my son from my mother's church. (She teaches a preschool bible study that he attends.)
As I'm picking him up I overhear half a conversation... I shall paraphrase what a leader of this children's bible study said (as she is holding an infant - that from the context of the conversation would be safe to assume is HER FOSTER CHILD)
"We decided to foster babies. What with a 9 and 10 year old, we didn't want to risk taking in older kids. With a younger kid, there wouldn't be anything wrong with them"
ANYTHING WRONG WITH THEM?!?!?!?
Are you freakin' kidding me?!?!?
Nothing is "wrong with" any child.
Older foster children maybe a bit challenging, but seriously - if you're kids are 9 and 10 - they could handle a troubled 5 year old. That child NEEDS to see well adjusted kids, they need the positive role modeling.
WRONG WITH - you would think someone with training would be more sensitive and compassionate.
ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did not say anything, I don't know the woman.
Wow. That second situation is really hard. I don't think I would have commented either, since you didn't know her and you weren't part of the conversation. I think you did the right thing in letting it go.
ReplyDeleteBut if I were in the conversation, I would say, "I don't understand--what could be wrong with an older child?" Forcing her to explain herself would allow her to find other words, as well as putting a mirror to what she sounds like. Then I would politely give her the words: "Oh, I see, you're saying that you didn't feel like your family was prepared to handle the special needs that older children might have, but you still wanted to take care of kids in need."
P.S. Kudos for saying something in the first conversation. I know it's hard to put yourself out there, especially when it seems like they don't understand your point.