I'm Still Here!

So... I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, and yes we are still becoming Foster Parents.

We are stuck in the minutia of the process.

Just shy of a week ago, I sat down to check my email after a LONG weekend of breaking down rooms and steam cleaning carpets. The house was absolutely trashed --- everything from the 3 bedrooms was piled ontop of beds, in the living room... just a mess. In addition - I decided we should pull everything out of storage since we pulled out the crib to do the recall process. Everything is about 10 big boxes of baby clothes, blankets, etc.

And that is when I saw the email from our case manager... she would be at our house on Tuesday, March 1.

POOP. We have spent the past week cleaning, organizing, throwing stuff away (gasp), etc.

I took a day off of work, my parents entertained Bee all day Saturday, and hubbie will be taking Tuesday off to do the final touches.

I'm exhausted.

As I look around I think the same thing I always do... man we need to stay on top of it this time... our house ain't half that bad!

(oy!)

I feel esp. convicted as I have been reading some great blogs about the ministry of hospitality. Another great one by my friend... she got to guest blog...

So... small world who reads this... thanks for the prayers and keep them coming.

I can't believe in less than 48 hours our first home study will occur!

Failure?

As I prepare for MAPP class tomorrow, topic - behavior, the news catches my eye.

A child has been killed by her adoptive family, not to far from where I live. By now the news has spread, and many are aware.

My mind is reeling and I am still processing. How did this happen? How did these people sit through the same classes I sit through, hear and see what I have heard and STILL DECIDE to do this?

We have had people "selected out" (not return b/c they are deemed not ready). They haven't told us this out right - but I'm pretty sure that's what happened.

Where is the failure?

Praying for everyone involved at this point, especially the children and the workers involved.

the idol of sleep and sloth

Exodus 20:
2 I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery;

3 Do not have any other gods before me.
4 You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me,
6 but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.


So... what does this has to do with sleep??? The sin of sloth... it is my constant battle... I would rather nap, or lay on the couch, etc. than work.... how does this reflect as a sin and idol??? When I can not get the things done that need to be done to serve Christ. When I allow sleep to replace Christ and work for HIM... it has become an idol and something I worship.

I AM NOT SAYING it's WORKS THAT SAVES... but Christ calls us to action. And it's hard to act when sleeping...

I felt especially convicted of this sin as I read a friend's blog To Show Them Jesus.
A great post that reminded me that even w/ our small space (which will be a little bigger soon) we can be hosptitable. I need to focus on getting the house somewhat presentable (so kids can play) and keep it up. Our home is a great location for church friends b/c it's VERY close!
 
Thanks Vixen for the great post!

shoulda, coulda, woulda

kicking myself... hard

i had heard there were FEW things you could do prior to becoming a foster parent and taking the courses...

but... remember that l-a-z-y genetic disorder i just complained about??????

yup... didn't do it...

SO... what SHOULD we have gotten done in advance (as in the month or two prior to classes)

1. getting animals' shots updated

2. infant and child CPR/First Aid classes

they aren't huge... but with a schedule already packed to the gills... had to cancel out on my bible study group in order to take the animals (cat and dog) to the vet...

wasn't as bad as i thought it would be... then on the way home... cat pee'ed. yuck yuck yuck. it STUNK to high heaven.

the other twist in the schedules... WHEN will we attend a 3 night class??? oy vey! i have a feeling it'll have to wait until the end of the MAPP course -> hopefully it won't prolong our license!

life long slacker

one thing that is a H-U-G-E challenge w/ the foster care process is that i (and darling hubby) are laid back life long slackers.

paperwork x's a billion, major renovations to home and "storage", and oh yeah... having to be neater and cleaner

HUGE HUGE HUGE challenge

my hubby is far exceeding me in his ability to change (at the moment)

i am tired and sore and cranky... less now that my class load has been lightened, but still not at my best.

i feel unmotivated (my spirit is into everything but actually getting up to do the needed work - not so much)

sooo... this post shall be short so i can move on... laundry and cleaning calls

anticipation and dread... meeting 3

MEETING 3  - description from online adopting from foster care site


Losses and Gains: The Need to be a Loss Expert

Explores the impact of separation on the growth and development of children, and the impact of foster care and adoptive placement on the emotions and behaviors of children and parents. Examines personal losses (death, divorce, infertility, children leaving home) and how difficult life experiences affect success as adoptive parents or foster parents. Emphasizes the partnership roles of foster parents, adoptive parents, and social workers in turning separation losses into gains.

Blech... the part that makes me nervous -> examines personal losses. In other words... I'm going to have to tell my story (see top bar - what happened?). Don't want to.

Usually I'm cool w/ it and can detach and view it as a teachable moment.

I don't wanna... I don't want to change in their mind. I don't want to become the tragic story. I have a feeling the other couples have infertility struggles. I don't envy that. It's just the whole blood and gore... the "LIFETIME MOVIE" feeling of it all.

Something else that sort of freaks me out... I have to do it infront of my hubby. Maybe I'll have him tell the story, either way... it's a different pressure. We haven't ever had to tell people infront of each other.

Please keep us in your prayers this week...

and then there were 9...

3rd class of MAPP (which is technically class 2 of the program). How do children come into foster care?

This class was great... we did a role play (they said it was sculpturing more than actual role-play). It took the ENTIRE class.

By the end of class I realized how easy it is for someone to lose control of their situation and end up in the system. In the scenario, we had a family go from "normal" stressed, family to having to have their kids removed. None of it vicious, malicious, just out of control. I asked in reality how long would the kids be in the system. 6 to 9 months. WOW. I felt a new appreciation for how difficult it must be for the birth parents and how not to demonize people in the system.

I had already been thinking about reunification and such after reading a post by FosterParentJourney. There was a comment to the post about how the goal is GOOD ENOUGH not ideal.

Our goal in becoming foster parents is to walk with #1 - the child and #2 the FAMILY of the child. I think so many people (not in the system) forget about the family. While I would love love love to eventually adopt children, it is a loss for the child, the family, and society if parents and children are not reunited. Our job as foster parents is to FOSTER a relationship between the children and the parents. To (in our limited contact) build up the parents, not judge for past mistakes.

Been really thinking of the parents as this song has been playing.

This has especially been on my mind as our class has dropped in size again. We are down to 9 (maybe 10) in the class. Darling husband and I are the only ones for foster care. FOR A FOUR COUNTY AREA. We are the only ones in this course (they have staggered courses starting every other month).

I read a stat (from 2008). Our area needs 300-400 foster homes. At the time - they had under 200.