person of interest

that is me...

in the case of the bears i am considered a person of interest...

as in... i have the RIGHT TO KNOW wtf ('scuse my french) is going on...

i say this b/c i had to remind someone of this recently... she is still holding back some info stating i'll learn in court...

NOT where i like to find stuff out... i have a very expressive face... and the bears are required to attend with us tomorrow... change in fl law about the presence of foster kids in court...

ugh...

sounds like issues in the bioparent world...

i hate to hear this at all... but my prayer is that if things implode... they implode sooner than later.... especially prior to the kids going home...

praying an implosion would force progress

court in the morning for this person of interest.... have no idea how i will sleep!

what to do???

ok... question that i can't post to my facebook friends...


i am in the throws of packing up the babies' toys, books, etc. in anticipation of reunification (court on Monday when the ruling and timeline will most likely happen).


have 10 boxes of toys and books packed already... none of their clothes packed yet... more toys to pack... sending mainly stuff given TO THEM by friends and family over the past 13 months... 


starting to think of keeping a few of their things (for example she was given 2 dolly strollers - we have none, next kid???).... would that be wrong????


i strongly feel they should get to take ALL THEIR STUFF... but at the same time, i'm envisioning this tiny trailer overflowing with toys... 

What would you do?

trying to draw near when feeling so far

today started out so great...

a fabulous massage to work out some serious knots i have in my shoulders after 1+ year of this crazy journey... and i know this sounds weird - but i felt so close to God during the massage... i found myself truly thanking him for the ability to have the experience, for the random groupon deal, for the masseuse's talent, etc...

a good rest...

a new back up babysitter coming by the house to get help filling out the crazy paperwork (it didn't scare her away!)

and then - it all went to hell in a handbasket...

i started feeling icky (sore throat going around house... hoping to shake it soon) so i laid down to rest...

my 6 year old bee kept coming to ask me questions... at one point i told him to go find his friends and play outside (poor choice on my part... i should have been up watching them outside).

i decided to go outside to check on him ... and he was in his underwear... (he had been doing messy art earlier)

he is SIX.

he has been told constantly that he needs shorts on around the other kids...

i lost it...

he has consequences out the ears... but that spurred from him losing it...

he will freak and outright lie --- i wasn't even outside... etc. at one point he asked when daddy would be home (he was sent to his room until daddy got home) i said 15 minutes.. he repeated 15 minutes... and then started screaming he didn't want to wait 15 HOURS...

that is something he does often... he will take a time we have stated and change it (after repeating the correct time).

we fight our way through dinner...

sitting to do our devotional - and it's on if we ask GOD to draw near HE will, etc etc...

in the midst of kids crying, of a child being disrespectful during Bible reading...

so hard...

it was painful to read about HIM drawing NEAR when i felt so in the flesh and not near...

praying for peace and comfort...

play pretend

the packing continues...

it amazes me how much stuff the kids have gathered in 13 months...

needing to beg for boxes...

today alone a big box of dress up clothes and accessories for momma bear...

hoping they have the space!

one week... or is it????

the thing about foster care...

is not knowing.

one week from tomorrow, we will be in court.

most LIKELY, they won't go home that day.

most LIKELY, we will be given a timeline for their reunification.

most LIKELY, that is to occur before Aug 20

uncertainty.

getting them dressed for church today... i find myself being pickier about their clothes... want people to remember how cute they are, how well we care for them...

silly...

but the only thing i can control at this moment...

thankful for the time we have had...

thankful for their reunification...

thankful for the healing in their parents lives...

ready for this crazy roller-coaster of emotions to be over... but know it never will really be over...

in some ways, i'm ready for them to go home...

if you've ever had a one year old and a 2.5 year old in the same house... you know the cravings for quiet and rest

 but i will never be ready to say good-bye

books books books

continuing the process of packing up.

a box here and there...

thought i would do the books because it would just be a few...

ha! two jumbo diaper boxes later... with a couple of their favorites still out.

anytime anyone asks us what the kids would need i say good positive message books. hoping parents will read to them and i know the books speak to me on a level that other books cannot reach.

i was thinking it was a few books, a few toys.

no i realize how MUCH a few is!

how are we going to get all of this to them?

switching monikers

as we work during this transition time my husband and i have switched names...

we tried Auntie and Uncle when the bears first came to live with us... it didn't work...

now that visits are regular... now that mommy is back in the picture...

she is calling us auntie and uncle...

good, but i miss being her mommy... and uncle sounds so funny coming from her garbled two year old mouth...

what is hilarious is when we refer to ourselves... half the time i say momma...auntie

giggle thinking at how inbred we must sound to others...