Grief is never easy... and it always seems to grow and compound.
There have been quite a few things lately at work that have been one on top of each other. I love my students and try to connect with them... unfortunately this means by letting them in... you can be touched by their tragedies and sometimes their poor choices.
One of my students (M*)was killed in a car accident --- tragedy compounded by the fact the driver was going to fast (just teenager fast - she was sober) and the fact that M* wasn't wearing her seat belt. It's frustrating --- silly choices that lead to permanent consequences.
The 7 year old brother of another one of my students (a girl who was friends with M* and in the same class) was seriously burned. He was playing with a lighter while the father was draining gas from a lawnmower. Easy to judge - but seriously - one of those things where small choices lead to lifelong consequences. I see how this girl carries herself and can tell she is from a good family - no obvious bad choices. She has mentioned that with everything else they are dealing with - her father is battling guilt.
A former student of mine who has a special place in my heart was recently arrested... bad choice, someone made a derogatory comment and the two started fighting --- which the paper deemed a brawl --- on our school campus. Again... small choices that lead to lifelong consequences.
Another student has lost a young friend of hers to another tragic car accident in the area --- a father was driving with his four children. Another driver ran a red light (poor choice) and tore their car in half, instantly killing the 10 year old daughter. To see my student go from a bright happy bouncy girl, to a girl deep in grief, cuts to the heart.
It's heartbreaking to see all these split second choices that lead to lifelong painful consequences. I keep focusing on through all of this God is in control and has a plan.
The shadows are merging and growing... I am looking for HIS light to shine and chase the shadows away... I know it's there and I can see spots in the shadows... Holding fast to that for now...