an analogy

i think i have decided the best thing to compare my current emotional state is a recent empty nester...

while my nest is not empty (busy bee will always be here) - i feel peaceful with them being where they are - but miss them like crazy --- i get giddy from the picture texts and random phone calls... but at times relieved by my newly freed schedule and less day-to-day grind and worry

one week

it has been a week since i have tucked her babies into bed and gave them a kiss good night...

it has been a week since i read them their bedtime story and snuggled with them after their bath...

i can't believe it...

it's been harder and easier than i thought... i miss them...

re-entry approaching

tomorrow i go to work for the first time since the kids went home...

it will be odd...

holidays

holidays kinda suck when you are down 2 babies...

i love the season but everywhere i turn i see cute dresses, outfits for sibling sets, etc....

how it all went down

found out Thursday at the staffing that the kids would just stay after visitation (no call on Wednesday as had been promised - not surprised)

took the day off of work so we could pack the kids up and take them to mommyanddaddy's.

drove by their daycare to drop off flowers and say thank you.

we have been so blessed to have an AWESOME daycare that takes the ELC funding... except for one odd exception - we and the kids have been treated with such respect and love.

momma bear's teacher will probably have the hardest time with this whole adjustment (outside the family)

almost every teacher came to say goodbye. baby bear had been one of the first babies they had since opening a baby room... so he had a special place in their hearts. momma bear's personality is so big and bubbly and want to help that she had become quite popular as well....

we drove the kids to their parents and did a fast drop off... hugs hugs and gone....

mom reminding me we can call ANYTIME to check on the babes...

have gotten texts everyday - and even a call checking on us... picture texts came through (still don't know how that happened - but so happy)

this weekend has been full of shopping and birthday parties - it didn't seem too different from a visit weekend. until sunday night... and then this morning... getting ONE ready for school...

still on funky time... hubs and i going to court to hear the official ruling on reunification (and sneak a peak, sniff and hug from the babes)...

tomorrow i have taken off of work for some me time...

wednesday will be full force back to our new normal schedule...

i can only imagine how awkward work will be... friends at church on sunday giving us the smile and nod, telling us we are in their prayers - the right things... but still so odd...

they are home...

more details later...

but we have gone from a household of 5 to a household of 3...

so odd...

failure to communicate - AGAIN

warning - rant -

soooo --- ever wonder why there aren't MORE foster parents who do several placements???? b/c they get tired of getting SCREWED by the caseworker...

the caseworker has NOT called me back

why am i stressed??? because via a phone conversation w/ biodaddy (if you are a foster parent - you need to check out google voice - free confidential number) led me to a piece of important info...

forget WAITING until court to transfer the kids - they will just stay after visit an extra day.

in other words they will (most likely) be LEAVING for good in less than 48 hours

case worker still hasn't told me - i called him and he said he had to talk to the legal team - but it was HIS idea and HE was trying to get it to work... but did NOT tell me.

ugh ugh ugh