Wednesday, September 21, 2011

how to feel

recently in a (new) foster parent support site i joined...

one of the other fostermommas posted...

Someone please tell me how I am supposed to feel. Today was supposed to be J's second visit w/ bio-mom. She didn't show. No one can find her. I feel so bad for J, but part of me thinks this is good...another strike against her. I do NOT feel good about him going back to her, AT ALL. I get the impression that the case manager feels the same. But there is an aunt that is interested,and I am mostly ok with that. Luckily, at 4 months, he really doesn't see the problem.

i relate to this 100%, but not about wanting the strikes.

amazed that i feel so personally insulted when daddy doesn't show

yesterday he showed, for half an hour. he gets 2 hours. apparently there is a policy - if you miss 3 visits, they can take away visitation (hadn't heard that!). By showing for 30 minutes, he keeps his visitation rights. i am glad he keeps his rights, hopes to hades that he follows through! chef hubby is afraid he'll keep up a pattern of 2 no shows and then a minimal effort show.

it's hard to talk to others about how much this saddens us.

many people seem to think we should be happy, because it raises the chance of them being adopted. but i continually think, GOD did not create families originally to be broken. the longer this draws out the longer these kids are separated from one another.

even the impression we get from the cw is that they may end up being adopted...

it is such an odd feeling, this desire to keep them in our lives, coupled with the desire for them to be able to be reunified with their dad

i catch myself starting to think far into the future with them in the picture... and at the same time making plans for when they leave...

such a fractured existence 


  1. Such hard emotions, being torn betweent the two. They should be with their family. Praying for a change in the dad's heart.

  2. It is so hard. Since we're so close to being licensed we're trying to tell our families to not just pray we get to adopt. Pray for the right thing even if that means reunification (which is what we want if it's safe).