thinking of fostering, but want to test the waters rather than dive in??? RESPITE

loved it loved it loved it

doing foster respite care was like heaven

1 night, play date type feeling... none of the drama of having to know all the dirty details... and the benefit of helping out a family who is doing the hard dirty work by giving them a night (or two or three) off.

we will continue with our kids we have for now... but when they go home (no details of when/if), we may take a long-short break from full time fostering, and do respite.

we often hear people tell us they wish they could foster but couldn't "give them back" --- despise that, BUT, if that is what is holding someone back, they should do respite care! it's so short term, that it's more like a quick babysitting job rather than parenting. it's something in DESPERATE need, as foster parents cannot send the kids to grandma's for the weekend - but the kids must stay in a licensed home. of all the people who need a break - foster parents are definitely near the top of the list!

is this good?

think visitation went well

kids came home with gifts!

happy dad is doing better, but the a-word has been whispered, so working on my own selfish desires (ahhhh Buddha was so wise)

hoping this means he has turned a corner

email sent to caseworker to confirm visit was GOOD

***having our first "sleepover" - aka respite care kid - easier than we thought! like it! 5 yr old boy, basically a   playdate for bee

whispering the A-word

we haven't told our family this... just my small group

we got this email a while back from our caseworker

Quick question should the children become available for adoption would you and your husband be interested?

we try not to talk about it

but it's there... the a-word has been spoken

the kids have only been here 3 mos... at least another 9 mos until a serious discussion of tpr

not what i want to think about, not what i want to be worrying about.

i want to be focused 100% on praying for, hoping for reunification...

now like a seed of a weed, the idea is sprouting, taking root... the thought of these cute hands and feet in our life forever...

how to feel

recently in a (new) foster parent support site i joined...

one of the other fostermommas posted...

Someone please tell me how I am supposed to feel. Today was supposed to be J's second visit w/ bio-mom. She didn't show. No one can find her. I feel so bad for J, but part of me thinks this is good...another strike against her. I do NOT feel good about him going back to her, AT ALL. I get the impression that the case manager feels the same. But there is an aunt that is interested,and I am mostly ok with that. Luckily, at 4 months, he really doesn't see the problem.

i relate to this 100%, but not about wanting the strikes.

amazed that i feel so personally insulted when daddy doesn't show

yesterday he showed, for half an hour. he gets 2 hours. apparently there is a policy - if you miss 3 visits, they can take away visitation (hadn't heard that!). By showing for 30 minutes, he keeps his visitation rights. i am glad he keeps his rights, hopes to hades that he follows through! chef hubby is afraid he'll keep up a pattern of 2 no shows and then a minimal effort show.

it's hard to talk to others about how much this saddens us.

many people seem to think we should be happy, because it raises the chance of them being adopted. but i continually think, GOD did not create families originally to be broken. the longer this draws out the longer these kids are separated from one another.

even the impression we get from the cw is that they may end up being adopted...

it is such an odd feeling, this desire to keep them in our lives, coupled with the desire for them to be able to be reunified with their dad

i catch myself starting to think far into the future with them in the picture... and at the same time making plans for when they leave...

such a fractured existence 

brother bear

after the so-not-fun of thursday and all it's minidrama... silver lining... fire lit to get big brother's foster momma to call us and set up a playdate

which she did

for today... the most inconvenient of days... but we jumped at it.

local park, 3 hours (went to dinner during as well)

sweet boy - confused... thinks he is the only one who had to leave... thinks the lil' bears live with his parents, didn't believe they are living with us.

what must he think?

had a blast... but definitely confirmed i am not ready to have 4 children in our house... someday... not this moment...

praying the cw does NOT show for visitation tomorrow... but she probably will... praying for understanding in the crazy mess of our house as we continue to piece it back together and go through all our shtuff

what we have here is a failure to communicate

ugh

the bears' caseworker is quickly becoming one of my least favorite people

she is not communicating whether or not she is REALLY working with the other foster family to set up sibling visits.... just a casual... oh yeah, i gave them your info to contact you...

then tonight, i emailed asking for details about how to get to the judicial review we were told is this upcoming Monday.

response... (cut and pasted)

The review was on Monday. We had the date wrong


that's it -

i am flabergasted.

these kids deserve the best, and they aren't getting it.

<<<>>>

***just got email from the foster care support worker... she is going to be contacting our case worker and her supervisor tomorrow to get this taken care of! she apologized on behalf of the worker (i hadn't even mentioned not getting an apology) - she was shocked that we hadn't gotten one! it hadn't really crossed my mind until she mentioned it.

praying all goes well (and that they don't come to the house in the midst of flood rehabilitation)

278 - 288

***found this tucked under never published - from just after the flood


278. friends who will give up their never home hubbies for the night in order to help us out

279. one inch of water... and not two

280. that my dad knows people

281. a motel to stay in (one bedroom plus living room) that won't take our credit card until we figure out what insurance will cover

282. nothing lost that can't be easily replaced

283. home insurance

284. high school girlie to hang out with us while hubby on a fishing trip

285. that hubby went on fishing trip

286. momma to take bee for the night while hubby is gone

287. friends who get the grief that others may think we should take joy in recent news

288. a bed to sleep in and a dry floor

FIGHT FOR ME DADDY

if i could speak for the bears... i would say...

fight for me daddy...

you've been given a chance to be redeemed

fight for me daddy...

we're worth it... and so are you

fight for me daddy...

if you don't fight for me now... i may question my worth later...

fight for me daddy...

they love us here daddy...

fight for us daddy...

GOD gave US to YOU...