letters home..........

what to write???

i wanted to ask this on facebook - but was not sure... b/c who knows the responses i may get...

i like sending notes w/ the caseworker to bubba's parents...

we are still under the impression that reunification is the main goal... so to keep them attached i keep the letters going....

but it feels odd...

not TOO many details - don't want them to figure out the county (or town) we live in --- trying not to be obvious about leaving out details, but it's difficult.

i also send pictures - but again - leaving out details, like our son's face, our faces, license plates, numbers on mailboxes... etc...

Sooooo.... my question for all y'all in cyberspace...

Any ideas for prompts for parent letters???

some examples of what i've done so far...

166 - 180 GRATEFUL

166. two pairs of grey-blue eyes stairing at me and looking to me for comfort... eyes that are the eyes of brothers... for a while at least

167. matching shirts at WALMART - $3 each! can indulge myself at that price

168. consignment store finds - and $50+ credit to pay for it all!

169. hearing bee tell chef hubby "that's not nice daddy!" while playing smooth moves on the wii when he's beat (and NOT THROWING A FIT! - praise GOD)

170. buy one get one free wine @ publix (classy - i know!)

171. being found by someone who has started this journey of loss... and praying she feels less alone than i did in those early days

172. all the gorgeous pictures of this little man who is (almost cuddling and) sitting next to me

173. my sweet dog - that doesn't bite bubba (even when he bites her!)

174. answers to prayers (literally after getting on my knees and asking the FATHER to bring comfort to bubba and help him sleep --- bubba fell asleep 45 seconds later!)

175. the ability to make it through one of those do we have enough money until payday time periods...

176. reimbursment from FSA for daycare

177. ELC... i've read other blogs that fosterparents are paying big $$$$ for daycare or on ridiculously long waiting lists - we got in as soon as the voucher cleared ---- and only pay 7.50 a WEEK for bubba

178. friends who GET IT

179. chef hubby understanding a need a "time out" for just a few minutes to be back

180. the ability to recognize i need that time out

Right Age (for us)

i remember searching the web for advice on how to blend foster kids and bio kids and finding... close to bupkus...

now we are in the midst of our first placement and watching the interaction between the two is fascinating.

one question i had was "what is the right age for my bio (or previously adopted) child to be?"

for us the answer is close to 5.

we had hoped to do this a year ago but finances and house issues stopped us.

i should know by now to trust GOD's plan.

bee is at a great age... he will be five in about a month... he is at an age of independent play, he can (doesn't mean he always will) follow simple directions and be (somewhat) trusted to STAY PUT.

he had just gotten to the point where i would let him play in our yard on his own w/ me working and checking up on him occasionally from the inside.

i will say own my family's structure has alot to do w/ the comfort i take in having an independent child prior to adding on to the family (my "baby" sister and i are 7 and a half years apart)

BUT - for this whole foster care craziness.... it helps to have a child who has some basic logic grasping skills.

bee understands certain concepts... when we explained it wasn't nice to "tease" bubba by saying daddy daddy for no reason he grasped that concept...

he "understands" that while bubba is his brover, that chef daddy and i are "auntie and uncle" to bubba... he will be sad but not confused when bubba leaves

also - if he had been much younger the age gap would have been tight.

we are open for placements from age birth to 2 yrs old (during school yr we only take as young as 6 wks so they can be in daycare)

he is able to "hold his own" - or at least not be injured by the semi-agressiveness of bubba

today i was reminded how great this age was - we were at a local ocean center. i wanted needed a mountain dew because i enjoy the smooth flavor am hopelessly addicted. the machine was clogged w/ sand. bee was able to stay and play with one of the games (the center is fenced in) while i ran inside w/ bubba to the gift shop for change. when bubba threw a fit about sitting still during the presentation - bee could stay and listen to the presentation while bubba and i took a walk through the gardens.

i had a hellacious night putting bubba down while chef hubby was out the other night bee played for an hour on wii fit w/o needing any momma help... sigh... it's sad he doesn't need me but wonderful that i am able to give bubba the undivided attention he needs.

in saying that - chef daddy and i are very cognizant in giving bee individualized time - more on that in the future

***** any other bio/adoptive/foster parents have any other thoughts on this topic?

--- please feel free to link up blog posts in the comment section

new favorite song

stronger than you think


recently this woman commented on my post about my story...

love how she says best day followed by worst day...

love that GOD gave her the gift of this song before she realized how much she would need it and how strong she actually is...

we are not alone in this walk... even in the moments that leave us breathless... we have HIM...

i would love them too much

the phrase you are doing such a good thing is usually followed with i could never do that, i would love them too much…


you know… because i don’t

*i mentioned this at the end of a recent post, and realized i could rant on it forever…

i read a great blog on this topic recently (found here) suggested by my awesome friend L

this statement had always bothered me and i couldn’t put my finger on it…

until Liz stated it…

"but my least favorite comment is "oh, I thought about fostering, but I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't let them go."


i never know what to say to this one. I cannot figure out if these people are insulting me , or themselves more. See i take it as they are in a way saying i must be quite cold-hearted to be able to 'let them go'.


to me “i would love them too much” as an excuse… means you think i don’t love them as much as you would.

i realize that is nit-picky cranky talk, but foster parenting is parenting in such a different reality.

the stress of that reality, can put some of the best people in a funk…

as a whole, the stress can be contained, but there are days when something has happened, something that can’t be shared… information that is confidential… and your heart is breaking… and to have someone casually toss out the (subliminal) message that you don’t love your kids, that you are cold-hearted… is awful

i haven’t even hit this point of heartbreak yet, and i try to paint the picture of reunification for the family is the goal – and that we are so happy…

it is and we are…

but to know bubba will leave… eventually… is hard… we’ve had him for 3 weeks… i’m waiting for the shoe to drop that he is going home… it’s living with the question of when should we schedule Bee’s party? will bubba be there? should we sign him up for swim classes?

just because i won’t collapse into complete despair when he goes, does not mean i love bubba any less… i will feel sorrow, i will grieve…

BUT… i know GOD has a plan… bubba does not “complete” me, no one on this earth could, would or should…

BTW - thanks Liz for commenting on the post in which i alluded to your quote --- i couldn't remember for the life of me where i had read it! so glad to edit this post and put in your credits!

Bubba's First Visitation

18 hour notification...

Mr. E picked up Bubba up from daycare @ 10ish - drove the hour to the town of origin

visit with parents...

back to the house at 3ish

i wasn't home to hear the info

sounds like there wasn't much info

plans for reunification?

answer - too soon to tell, still gathering information... bubba has been away from his parents for a month

slow molasses movement of bureaucracy even more obnoxious when it keeps a family separated instead of healing

last night i packed a bag of stuff....

an outfit to wear and an outfit to pack - cute, but nothing i would be heartbroken over if it didn't come back (other blogs have mentioned that), diapers, snacks, lunch, toy (fun truck from friends), and the book that comforts him

i pray the book and truck will come back... and GOD hears...

i send pictures and a card with updates for mom and dad... i pray they will give us info on ears... we get medical info, but nothing about ears




i pray that all will go well...

they have time to play and be together

everything we sent comes back (minus pics and card) just as hoped...

also more clothes... again seasonally inappropriate, too small, dirty, and smelling of smoke... BUT... they brought things for him!

behavior post visit --- not as expected! i had thought he would be acting out, super aggressive, or lots of crying.. so far so good... we painted, played, and i am playing single momma to two boys tonight...

return of some behaviors we had almost seen leave - more hitting, more "wrestling" with uncooperative bee, biting the dog (yes... the dog)... but no to the degree we were fearing...

we'll see how the evening progresses... i have a feeling they will show themselves as things sink in with the little man

***update*** 55 minutes to get him to sleep... ugh

confession from corinthians

1 Corinthians 13:5

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

ugh.

this is supposed to be teach me thursday... but it's more of a confession...

this fabulous verse... it doesn't apply just to our romantic lives - but to all... including our children.

RUDE
* when i snap a sarcastic remark at my child, i belittle his feelings or worth

SELF-SEEKING
*honestly, most of the things that get on my nerves are selfish - random noises i find annoying, disruption of "me" time

EASILY ANGERED
* this cannot be excused with "i'm tired", "it's been a rough week", when i do this and excuse this  - i am the anti-example of CHRIST :(

KEEPS NO RECORDS OF WRONGS
* youch... when i remind him of all he has done wrong (or do so to my husband)... i am not showing the forgiving grace...

All of these are components of GRACE... here is to a new week, and the GRACE of GOD to try again!