blowing it

one month...

and he blows it...

i knew it was going to happen.

he already f-in' blew it.

i want to cry

i want to scream

i want to puke

part of me wants them to give him another chance, i want him to fix it - i want him to do right...

another part of me wants them to cut him out totally - he's done - he doesn't deserve them!

torn

this blog is hard to do

trying to give a peek into life as a pph-hyster survivor foster parent... and respect privacy of children and parents

at this moment i am torn in half...

at the beginning we were told parent Y was all the hope the kids had... that parent X had messed up and wouldn't come through...

then a few months in parent Y started slipping... for all of 48 hours my heart pitterpattered with fear and excitement.... the likelihood of adoption in my throat...

then parent X turned out to be a new person (praise GOD)... and adoption was put on the back shelf... glad, but sad

now... parent Y has truly messed up, talks of TPR (termination of parental rights)...

that means if parent X hadn't stepped up... we would be talking and preparing for adoption

i don't know how to feel...

part of me is ridiculously sad... part of me is relieved... part of me feels guilty for being relieved... then the guilt of feeling guilty...

still praying daily for the success of parent X... please join with me!

sad news... not getting hopes up

our case worker is finally be more open w/ us

no details (protect privacy) but reunification... while the goal... may not happen.

so sad for bears, scary for us....

i've been daydreaming about being a one child family and having time to sleep again.

but know if it happened - we would do it...

all three of them...

wanting to talk to case worker next month that once they FINISH the TPR process and move into the adoption process... we want big brother to come to us...

scary

sad

such beautiful kids and i feel like there is a minimal fight going on for them....

on an unrelated side note... still in motel from the toilet flood of 2011