today's final straw

bathing momma bear after being told i can't take her to daycare tomorrow due to diarrhea (which means she has to come with me on my teacher workday... i was planning on getting so much done)...

she screamed and cried - who knows why... it's been this way for a while and up a level since fake-out visit...

she cried I WANT DADDY!!!!!!

i didn't stop to consider she could have meant my husband - my brain snapped...

wtf... you want HIM... the one who has let you down - the one who has caused all this sh$*&...

i finished her bath quickly, briskly, and then passed her off to the husband... realized after a few deep breaths she was calling for him

but in those moments i felt so betrayed,

i felt the unfairness of it all

this sucks.... it really sucks

outside

as much space as we have inside... there is nothing like the great outdoors - even our limited front yard for the calming of the shrew... by shrew i mean a two year old tantrum of course. inside there is 100 things to say no to, outside - only 5 or 10. She is good at staying out of the street so that hits the number one thing immediately.

Two year old melt downs are now a regular occurrence in our home. Bee hit them at three... Momma Bear is advanced i guess :). i know much of this must have to do with her confusions and sadness. we needed her to have a chill out in her room... and all she did was sit and scream mommymommymommy over and over. so much fun for many reasons - to hear a child continually cry is stressful - to have them cry for you... by a name your not sure you will have forever or not.

and a selfish reason... i'm not a MOMMY fan - i prefer momma.

i fear that these two year old fits are a scary harbinger of 16 year old screaming matches to come. i have little to no patience with her tantrums and her clinginess recently.

we are sitting in our front yard and as i type she refuses to play but wants to be on top of me. instead of playing she slams her sunglasses against the table... and then tantrums when they are removed from her... sigh... so now i am outside in the glorious breeze and quiet... and she is screaming in her room while my hubby deals w/ her meltdowns...