tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1622301528869351982024-02-19T20:42:07.329-05:00A Shadow of GriefA look back (and forward) on the journey of healing following an emergency hysterectomy due to massive hemorrhaging.
A journey towards(and someday through) the process of foster care and adoption.
Grieving and Growing in the LordMEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.comBlogger324125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-58784689918625165962013-06-27T17:49:00.001-04:002013-06-27T17:49:25.244-04:00Lil Dude<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Saturday he came to us... 5 days ago... 2 yrs old</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Today I got a unsolicited I love you. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Maybe because I'm letting him use my nook to play angry birds??? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-kBy7xWEZWgQfnNVqXtqw64sjRw7gi7Zfk0MsS1l1hv8vUDdRBOUuMCQnyGQuueUbhX2UjV5v04OMolTicaacUHYBsz9qJpMaHIHqRjODgdFT1OSZeIM8SGH9gqi7C_DB7nKtWpeKbvA/s640/blogger-image-269538397.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-kBy7xWEZWgQfnNVqXtqw64sjRw7gi7Zfk0MsS1l1hv8vUDdRBOUuMCQnyGQuueUbhX2UjV5v04OMolTicaacUHYBsz9qJpMaHIHqRjODgdFT1OSZeIM8SGH9gqi7C_DB7nKtWpeKbvA/s640/blogger-image-269538397.jpg"></a></div>MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-33028766614998429052013-06-26T22:27:00.001-04:002013-06-26T22:27:17.397-04:007 YEARS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
i don't know if it's just being in the depths of craziness of a new placement (more later on lil dude) or if it's time passing...<br />
<br />
but today is my 7 year alive anniversary --- and i didn't freak out once... it's there --- but i am able to push it off... no anxiety no freaking out... just a recognition of what it is and zip = moving on...<br />
<br />
maybe it's because i've gone through the loss of reunification on foster side???<br />
<br />
maybe it's time finally covering the wound with a thicker scar???<br />
<br />
crazy...<br />
<br />
hope... for those of you who stumble onto this little blog and are in the newer stages - have it... LIVE life, continue on.... one day i pray it will be a bitter-bitter-bitter sweet memory... a pang... but the knowledge that just like harry potter's scar (forgive me we are reading it...) a scar of pain but it makes you who you are...</div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-47447496447934719642013-06-24T21:27:00.003-04:002013-06-24T21:27:51.861-04:00Innocent questions... Hard Answers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Bee's birthday is tomorrow...<br />
<br />
Last night we were snuggling and I was talking about how 7 years ago I was waddling around super hot and couldn't wait for him to come and meet me....<br />
<br />
I was telling him all about how his Daddy's Mommy had come to stay in town and rented a condo... that we thought he would be born and she was there for the week up to the day he was born because he was TEN DAYS LATE!!!!<br />
<br />
Then in the most plainest facttelling voice === he asked... Is that how I broke your belly??? Because I was late???<br />
<br />
my heart about broke...<br />
<br />
great that we were able to have the conversation...<br />
<br />
I have always said my belly broke AFTER he was born (careful to phrase it so that it wasn't WHEN but AFTER)...<br />
<br />
we talked and talked... he thought he had kicked me too hard so it broke... etc etc...<br />
<br />
I told him no baby that's not why... then he asked the question of which we have no answer... Why did it happen????<br />
<br />
Trying to explain to him that they don't know why it happened but it wasn't because of him and that it wasn't "HIS FAULT" was so hard....<br />
<br />
I ended up telling him it was because my body just wasn't made to have babies... etc etc...</div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-55319098337741743252013-06-20T23:12:00.001-04:002013-06-20T23:12:12.728-04:00waiting-nesting... pregnancy vs foster care<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
so... we've done this before so the "unknown" of foster care is not the same...<br />
<br />
but definitely in the crazy calm weird last moments before THE CALL<br />
<br />
THE CALL is similar to CONTRACTIONS<br />
<br />
you think you know about when it will happen... you have a due date... but the time is flexible...<br />
<br />
you are tempted to wait at home, but know that these may be your last moments before the storm hits...<br />
<br />
nesting hits hard core... all of a sudden nothing is clean enough... those house projects that have been sitting around the past year and a half are of upmost importance<br />
<br />
some differences... i'm sipping a glass of wine (but only one in case the call comes)<br />
<br />
i have used MASSIVE amounts of bleach and other strong toxic chemicals for cleaning i wouldn't have used if preggers<br />
<br />
i am not slowed down by big belly and swelling feet...<br />
<br />
similar... i know my life is about to change forever... how much it will change for how long who knows....<br />
<br />
different - no temptation to buy tons of clothes for babe --- because we have no idea the age (or gender) of child x as we have begun to jokingly refer to the newest kiddie as...<br />
<br />
i double checked w/ our licensing agent.... placement knows...<br />
<br />
this time our guidelines --- 1 child only --- ages birth to early 4s.<br />
<br />
any moment....<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-23215671678495438042013-06-14T17:06:00.001-04:002013-06-14T17:06:28.996-04:00Caught off guard<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9vs3qtVshqa2yPw60Cw8i6wvxy1D5VR2RG23YWzXrgr2Brszk7vt4Zj1gNG-M9iUU7yTW_pb_TCCiiQVqklCgsGhDgvNp803FLG_zNJnlYgmaMa4t8CJ9574SQ4STVgY9wfvNa1QyKTs/s640/blogger-image-969020503.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9vs3qtVshqa2yPw60Cw8i6wvxy1D5VR2RG23YWzXrgr2Brszk7vt4Zj1gNG-M9iUU7yTW_pb_TCCiiQVqklCgsGhDgvNp803FLG_zNJnlYgmaMa4t8CJ9574SQ4STVgY9wfvNa1QyKTs/s640/blogger-image-969020503.jpg"></a></div>In our friends' SUV<div>Driving the loops of a mountain</div><div>I hear her giggles and his squeals</div><div>Bee had discovered some old videos he had taped on his iPod. </div><div>It's been a month since we've heard anything</div><div>Less than a week until we reopen our house</div><div>Gut check on how much I still miss them and think of them as ours</div><div>Wonder how I can love and lose that much again</div><div>But I will</div><div>And through HIS grace and strength I will survive</div>MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-58609635068830665052013-06-06T18:12:00.001-04:002013-06-06T18:12:19.047-04:00WistfulI catch myself looking at women with little girls in the store and I'm just wistful. I miss them, I'm glad they're home but I just wish the silliness of her. MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-61305770056713233042013-05-19T18:08:00.001-04:002013-05-19T18:08:34.410-04:00Respite strugglesDid respite this weekend for a set of sweet sisters. <div>Had a blast with them. </div><div>They cried when they left. Felt bad for their fmom. She called us... She is asking the social worker to move the oldest. Asked if we would do it. Ugh. </div><div>She is out of our full time range for age. </div><div>Feel like crap. </div><div>Worried we did more harm than good by bonding with them this weekend. </div>MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-4282869631983501512013-05-10T22:16:00.001-04:002013-05-10T22:16:51.365-04:002 visitsRealize it's been awhile since I posted...<div>After thinking it was OVER, I sent a text wishing a blessed Easter, and got texted back - with pictures!</div><div><br></div><div>Later that week, saw the kids and three weeks later got to take Bee to see them. Back to a couple of texts every couple of weeks. </div><div><br></div><div>Praying for success happy they are well. </div>MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-2146211517542662632013-05-10T21:57:00.001-04:002013-05-10T21:57:06.819-04:00foster parent appreciationFunniest thing from our districts dinner...<div><br></div><div>You can't hit, you must outwit!</div><div><br></div>MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-47250001146026068232013-04-14T16:52:00.001-04:002013-04-14T16:52:08.854-04:00when you have friends who get it...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
it makes it easier...<br />
<br />
friends who have kept it together in front of you... but who you have the feeling have lost it in the ugly cry for your babes and for you<br />
<br />
who keep the curiosity at bay to not ask the probing questions... who immediately great the friend for the weekend as they would any new child to the crew..<br />
<br />
who with less than 24 hours notice whips up an extra goodie bag for the birthday party you are all of a sudden bringing an additional guest too...<br />
<br />
love my friends <3 do="" easier="" it="" make="" p="" to="" we="" what="" you=""></3></div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-25187697489204381452013-04-10T16:14:00.001-04:002013-04-10T16:14:14.502-04:00Wrong way5.5 months later, I took wrong turn home. Started driving to daycare<br />
<br />
Sigh MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-15843087226736757832013-04-01T23:33:00.001-04:002013-04-01T23:33:22.460-04:00One of those things.Confession<br />
<br />
The bears now live just under an hour away<br />
<br />
They were in process of weekend visits when I got my iPhone. I set the weather apps to include their town. <br />
<br />
I occasionally still check to see what the weather is like. <br />
<br />
There is a thin line between sentimental and stalking :)MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-6806888945395238662013-03-30T22:01:00.001-04:002013-03-30T22:01:58.040-04:00hippity hoppity<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
prepping my big boy's basket tonight and getting a bit reminiscent...<br />
<br />
this time last year, i was prepping 3 lil' kid baskets...<br />
<br />
that will never be again (we will NOT do 3 again)...<br />
<br />
missing the babies tons...<br />
<br />
the package we sent them should have arrived today... no word...<br />
<br />
praying they are fine...</div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-19916080703202399772013-03-23T11:45:00.001-04:002013-03-23T11:45:05.147-04:00Turning right, wishing it were leftAs we drive across the state.... we pass a sign. <br />
<br />
Turn right for in laws<br />
Turn left for babies' town<br />
Van turns right<br />
I feel my heart pull left<br />
<br />
Still no word<br />
<br />
This Easter will be so different from last year. MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-54210667719900830572013-03-22T23:22:00.000-04:002013-03-22T23:22:20.863-04:00over?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
sent another text today (thinking MAYBE their phones had been turned off - wanted to give them the chance)<br />
<br />
low key - hey we'll be in the neighborhood - can we come by...<br />
<br />
still no word...<br />
<br />
thinking it's really over... but the last time i thought that - we got to see them...<br />
<br />
more at peace with it b/c the last time we saw my sweet babes - i soaked it in --- looked in their faces and thought that it could be it...<br />
<br />
we got to give them christmas gifts... going to mail a small package of clothes i bought...<br />
<br />
figure we will still send postcards occasionally...<br />
<br />
whether or not they ever contact us - i still love them...<br />
<br />
sigh...</div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-62010347472495505022013-03-21T21:22:00.001-04:002013-03-21T21:22:00.706-04:00My favorite kindSo we got a call for a set of brothers for the night. Older than usual, but I could tell the worker was desperate. Said yes. Cleaned house in tizzy 2 hours later they call... Found another placement that could keep them long term. That's my favorite - say yes even though I don't want to, get house straightened up like it should be anyway, be help, but still get to sleep in on my first day of spring break :)MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-13242424222909973262013-03-19T16:00:00.000-04:002013-03-19T16:00:02.585-04:00betrayal?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
i have my screen set on my phone...<br />
<br />
it's me and her...<br />
<br />
i can't bring myself to change the picture...<br />
<br />
but some day there will be a new baby...<br />
<br />
feel like it's betrayal to take her picture off<br />
<br />
the weird things of foster care!</div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-87143455230074557862013-03-18T19:46:00.003-04:002013-03-18T19:46:38.363-04:00no word<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
2 weeks ago i texted...<br />
<br />
they said we could always stop by whenever...<br />
<br />
but now no word...<br />
<br />
had offered to stop by this Saturday to see the babes --- maybe drop off some easter bunny gifts...<br />
<br />
no word...<br />
<br />
a few days later before hitting a big sale... texted for sizes...<br />
<br />
silence...<br />
<br />
still no word...<br />
<br />
last time they spontaneously texted us was in january...<br />
<br />
last picture sent... was in december...<br />
<br />
so much for the promise we could stick around...<br />
<br />
praying they are well... praying they remember us and our love but don't feel as if we've abandoned them...<br />
<br />
missing them in the quiet times...</div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-1436302420360411612013-03-14T07:22:00.001-04:002013-03-14T07:22:48.591-04:00Baby for a nightHad the tiniest lil babe for 10 hours <br />
<br />
It always amazes me how small they can be<br />
<br />
Was reminded how sweet (and sleepless) a baby in the house can beMEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-23408221479476861662013-03-03T13:16:00.002-05:002013-03-03T13:16:59.203-05:00final pages<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
finally got off my hiney to finish up scrapbooks from last year...<br />
<br />
about to upload the pictures from last month the babies were here...<br />
<br />
so weird... hit a snag... small technical issue that will be easy to fix, at the same time i want to just "STOP FOR NOW"...<br />
<br />
i know i need to finish it... but it'll be so final to do the last page. to write out why they will no longer be in the book. yay they went home - part of the plan... but so final...<br />
<br />
need to finish... doesn't help that i'm sickie w/ a funk that's been rotating around our county...<br />
<br />
wondering if the missing them will lessen once we open our home to more long term babes???? or if maybe we'll at least be too busy to miss them so actively...</div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-86369494384096081072013-03-02T18:20:00.001-05:002013-03-02T18:20:26.223-05:00snooping around<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
couldn't resist --- snooped around on some social media sites... know a few names of friends etc... stumbled across happy smiling pix of the kids taken just this week...<br />
<br />
relief in seeing many of the things we purchased for them in the pictures or in the background... had been warned they could pawn them.... they haven't<br />
<br />
four months have passed and it feels like yesterday... and years ago our house was full of noise...<br />
<br />
glad my snoopiness paid off in positives...</div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-54059933497956581542013-02-25T18:18:00.000-05:002013-02-25T18:18:15.152-05:00fragile moments<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
(just found this in the dusty archives)<br />
<div dir="ltr" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<br />
<br />
<br />
i <strike>have</strike> had this beautiful magnolia teacup... i never drank tea out of it though... it reminds me of my oldest and dearest friend... 20 years this woman has put up with me, through the dramas of high school, the ups and downs of some interesting life events... from standing next to each other during our wedding vows, to helping me pump during the hazy times following bees birth, to playdates at SeaWorld<br />
<br />
our friendship has hit the back burner in the past years b/c of work and babies...<br />
<br />
just recently (don't let the pumpkin in the background fool you - it's january and it sits in our kitchen still... more on that another time) i dusted off this teacup to use it in a daily way - to light a candle to freshen our home, and to remind me to pray for her... good intentions...<br />
<br />
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<br /></div>
</div>
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<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX1A9EYGpgQS-edpjd2cCC4x5mr-uIxFQDRATScQYmweLu47SVOCLcJUHawAdwasDSsceRI-GhgoIuVzvvuxMvNxvllwxv-AU3i9P42gWA8kYIq_0Rf-PBeu48y4TQv4NE7PfcpPjaY4M/s640/blogger-image--2083637189.jpg" /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
today i was trying a trick to get the wax out (freeze cup and the wax will pop right out) and in my clumsy way... i dropped it --- i couldn't have been more thoughtful or careful as i pulled it out of the freezer... and smash - it fell to the hard tile floor...</div>
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<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtnwzXGnEZKQTb7w-I8CSGyNH96HvY83Iy2s-fbDHjPzHzY-igyly-qTL02vO4ylQozt7WN5Q29QRPb1WpAggDGJf9oBYqJAtSYR2ZLCHd8kaR3a_1I-n8kFgwpYYzaUnxa9ir-fMa8bw/s640/blogger-image--1249277831.jpg" /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
i stared at the shards spread over our kitchen floor - and kept saying --- i will not cry i will not cry i will not cry.... i searched for thankful joy... and in the daily struggle i CHOSE to find thanks --- that the saucer matches the teacup i use most often... and that i know even though babies and work have come between us in the years...<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIAIBeGvUJx4-1-aifphpGQ4BzU2rZEwXCp3EFa-ZPUMrjeYgJX8PT1LdVw44lYTW_o67OUgLBlEjyXinBFSiG6OdM9pShAjubgdc25TLlYLo70yrHxVjTIN9AM5QMHxfN0-b-BEFgYaA/s640/blogger-image--1253112178.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIAIBeGvUJx4-1-aifphpGQ4BzU2rZEwXCp3EFa-ZPUMrjeYgJX8PT1LdVw44lYTW_o67OUgLBlEjyXinBFSiG6OdM9pShAjubgdc25TLlYLo70yrHxVjTIN9AM5QMHxfN0-b-BEFgYaA/s640/blogger-image--1253112178.jpg" /></a></div>
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our friendship can be picked up and dusted off right where we left off... and it is not as fragile as a teacup on a tile floor</div>
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<br /></div>
<img src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/9125_1226763957532_5582216_n.jpg" /><br />
***THEN***<br />
<br />
<img height="300" src="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/46229_10152265694710023_20506097_n.jpg" width="400" /><br />
***NOW***<br />
<br /></div>
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-37711012620627863502013-02-25T18:17:00.000-05:002013-02-25T18:17:16.625-05:00she was so happy here<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
i wish i could post the pictures...<br />
<br />
i am working on LAST year's scrapbook and just finished through June 2012...<br />
<br />
as i preview it before ordering it (i'm a loyal company of shutterfly/mixbook companies) one thing hits me...<br />
<br />
she <strike>had </strike> has an awesome smile...<br />
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she was so happy here...<br />
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and while it is a dull ache in my heart as i see her picture over and over... i can rest in that... in what could have been a suckIER situation... she was happy and loved... and she will know that somewhere in the corners of her heart even if we never see her again...<br />
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blond piggytails bouncing throughout the book and that smile with the chipped tooth in the front...<br />
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MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-26388477944171145982013-02-23T13:34:00.001-05:002013-02-23T13:34:13.770-05:00Still here...All is quiet. Only call for respite in a while was when we were out of town. Did get a call seeing if we wanted to pick up a newborn. If it was midJune may have said yes. <br />
<br />
Waiting game different this time. Excited but know how much work it is. <br />
MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162230152886935198.post-39646780328808594672013-01-19T17:11:00.001-05:002013-01-19T17:11:11.390-05:00i've learned<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
found this buried in my drafts pile... realized i never finished it... what i learned by being their momma...<br />
<br />
<br />
in the past <strike>16</strike> 18 months i have learned alot...<br />
<br />
i have learned that an infant in the house is tiring even when you haven't given birth<br />
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i have learned that 3 is more than 3x's as hard<br />
<br />
i have learned what it means to be pulled to my knees in prayer for someone i don't even like - but desperate for GOD to work in their life<br />
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i have learned that my lap (and heart) fits three squirmy children<br />
<br />
i have learned my sweet boy can be a sweet big brother<br />
<br />
i have learned that little girls are super sweet... and super sassy<br />
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i have learned that knowing they were leaving made every moment so sweet and sad<br />
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i have learned the fear of sweet baby learning to say momma... praying he wouldn't<br />
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i have learned the grief of having him pat my face and look into it with such trust knowing his little world was about to be rocked<br />
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i have learned to grieve publicly and privately<br />
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i have learned that few understand<br />
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i have learned that my friends and family grieve with us<br />
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i have learned rage at hearing some dismiss my big boy's grief because he really is just an "only child" - as if he was never their brother<br />
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i have learned to look at their pictures around the house and think of sweet moments... and hold to the joy... not as many tears...<br />
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i have learned to trust GOD in what he is doing...<br />
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i have learned to function without them... but miss them to the bone every day...<br />
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MEBSwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15542227172896398680noreply@blogger.com1