no word

2 weeks ago i texted...

they said we could always stop by whenever...

but now no word...

had offered to stop by this Saturday to see the babes --- maybe drop off some easter bunny gifts...

no word...

a few days later before hitting a big sale... texted for sizes...

silence...

still no word...

last time they spontaneously texted us was in january...

last picture sent... was in december...

so much for the promise we could stick around...

praying they are well... praying they remember us and our love but don't feel as if we've abandoned them...

missing them in the quiet times...

Baby for a night

Had the tiniest lil babe for 10 hours

It always amazes me how small they can be

Was reminded how sweet (and sleepless) a baby in the house can be

final pages

finally got off my hiney to finish up scrapbooks from last year...

about to upload the pictures from last month the babies were here...

so weird... hit a snag... small technical issue that will be easy to fix, at the same time i want to just "STOP FOR NOW"...

i know i need to finish it... but it'll be so final to do the last page. to write out why they will no longer be in the book. yay they went home - part of the plan... but so final...

need to finish... doesn't help that i'm sickie w/ a funk that's been rotating around our county...

wondering if the missing them will lessen once we open our home to more long term babes???? or if maybe we'll at least be too busy to miss them so actively...

snooping around

couldn't resist --- snooped around on some social media sites... know a few names of friends etc... stumbled across happy smiling pix of the kids taken just this week...

relief in seeing many of the things we purchased for them in the pictures or in the background... had been warned they could pawn them.... they haven't

four months have passed and it feels like yesterday... and years ago our house was full of noise...

glad my snoopiness paid off in positives...

fragile moments

(just found this in the dusty archives)

i have had this beautiful magnolia teacup... i never drank tea out of it though... it reminds me of my oldest and dearest friend... 20 years this woman has put up with me, through the dramas of high school, the ups and downs of some interesting life events... from standing next to each other during our wedding vows, to helping me pump during the hazy times following bees birth, to playdates at SeaWorld

our friendship has hit the back burner in the past years b/c of work and babies...

just recently (don't let the pumpkin in the background fool you - it's january and it sits in our kitchen still... more on that another time) i dusted off this teacup to use it in a daily way - to light a candle to freshen our home, and to remind me to pray for her... good intentions...

today i was trying a trick to get the wax out (freeze cup and the wax will pop right out) and in my clumsy way... i dropped it --- i couldn't have been more thoughtful or careful as i pulled it out of the freezer... and smash - it fell to the hard tile floor...

i stared at the shards spread over our kitchen floor - and kept saying --- i will not cry i will not cry i will not cry.... i searched for thankful joy... and in the daily struggle i CHOSE to find thanks --- that the saucer matches the teacup i use most often... and that i know even though babies and work have come between us in the years...

our friendship can be picked up and dusted off right where we left off... and it is not as fragile as a teacup on a tile floor

***THEN***


***NOW***

she was so happy here

i wish i could post the pictures...

i am working on LAST year's scrapbook and just finished through June 2012...

as i preview it before ordering it (i'm a loyal company of shutterfly/mixbook companies) one thing hits me...

she had  has an awesome smile...

she was so happy here...

and while it is a dull ache in my heart as i see her picture over and over... i can rest in that... in what could have been a suckIER situation... she was happy and loved... and she will know that somewhere in the corners of her heart even if we never see her again...

blond piggytails bouncing throughout the book and that smile with the chipped tooth in the front...

Still here...

All is quiet. Only call for respite in a while was when we were out of town. Did get a call seeing if we wanted to pick up a newborn. If it was midJune may have said yes.

Waiting game different this time. Excited but know how much work it is.