i've learned

found this buried in my drafts pile... realized i never finished it... what i learned by being their momma...


in the past 16 18 months i have learned alot...

i have learned that an infant in the house is tiring even when you haven't given birth

i have learned that 3 is more than 3x's as hard

i have learned what it means to be pulled to my knees in prayer for someone i don't even like - but desperate for GOD to work in their life

i have learned that my lap (and heart) fits three squirmy children

i have learned my sweet boy can be a sweet big brother

i have learned that little girls are super sweet... and super sassy

i have learned that knowing they were leaving made every moment so sweet and sad

i have learned the fear of sweet baby learning to say momma... praying he wouldn't

i have learned the grief of having him pat my face and look into it with such trust knowing his little world was about to be rocked

i have learned to grieve publicly and privately

i have learned that few understand

i have learned that my friends and family grieve with us

i have learned rage at hearing some dismiss my big boy's grief because he really is just an "only child" - as if he was never their brother

i have learned to look at their pictures around the house and think of sweet moments... and hold to the joy... not as many tears...

i have learned to trust GOD in what he is doing...

i have learned to function without them... but miss them to the bone every day...