Wednesday, November 16, 2011

paralyzing anxiety

i had had a rough day

the thoughts were bombarding my brain

life is not anything like i had planned

and not in the good way

i walked into the publix and everywhere i looked i saw suffering in other's eyes...

i felt the pressure on my chest - the shortness of breath - the heartbreak

the feelings i had had the first few months after bee was born

i was able to get it together just enough to grab some frozen dinners, an avocado, and a bottle of pinot grigio

sometimes it's still way too hard

but it'll be better

i have to restart and refresh

i need to be back in the word

i need to self reflect and catch the downward spiral at the beginning instead of the end

i need to count the blessings

i need to breathe


  1. I really enjoy reading your blog. You are doing good work in foster care and I hope you have some time to take care of yourself.

  2. I found you through Amy Courts, and Amy Courts through Google. I had an emergency hysterectomy four months ago after the birth of my daughter. My husband and I are licensed foster parents and just let go of our nine month old foster son. I can't wait to read your story. So glad to find a kindred spirit.

  3. I had my emergency hysterectomy four months ago. I just read your story and so much of it was like reading mine - my husband in disbelief, me not really realizing what was going on, but with an utter calm because I knew my living or dying was no longer in my hands. My husband and I had literally watched an episode of ER earlier that week where the doctors were working on the dying patient and the family was watching. "They never do that in real life!" we said.

    Haha. They do if they think you're dying.

    We just said goodbye to the foster son we had since he was two days old. He was nine months when he left. A LOT of change.

    We are now open to respites. Just need some time.

    So glad I've "met" you!
    Here's my story: