have just a few things going on to rachet up the anxiety... y'know besides the normalcy of having a 1 yr old a 2 yr old and an almost 6 yr old...
will avoid the issue of TMI... but i have to go to the lady doctor due to some discomfort...
i am bad, bad, bad... haven't been in FOUR years...
the ob/gyn who did the c-section and hysterectomy has retired... to Canada.
i will be seeing the guy who assisted in the hysterectomy (tried to get in to see another woman and she is booked).
i HATE going... first question is always last period... 6 years later it's no fun answering.
and that's the other thing. it'll be two weeks shy of bee's birthday... and all the things that brings up.
doing some reading of my symptoms...
one of the things that keeps popping up is that it can be tied to women who are entering menopause.... lovely...
34 and entering menopause... i've been hyper-paranoid about that b/c it's a common side effect... sort of like your ovaries figure out that you have no uterus... why keep working...
...sigh...
very much looking forward to our big vacay - but even that has me on full crazy...
called placement to see if they had found someone for the bears yet... nope... they like to wait until it's a little closer... it's one week away... we will be gone for 10 days! bull$h*%
i get it... but ugh.... they will be so confused... and to add into all that craziness... they will get to see mommy for the first time... WHILE IN RESPITE... as in they won't be able to decompress with me... but with someone else.... sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confusing for them
and of course... now that it's coming up that she will be back... the reality of them leaving us gets clearer and clearer...
ugh ugh ugh
was driving around in the midst of this and realized the awful feeling was back... the my skin is on inside out and everything around me irritates it.... ugh ugh ugh - totally a product of anxiety... suckage...
deep breaths, naps, coffee, cleaning.... prayer prayer prayer prayer... i know there must be a plan... but it' s so hard to see...
will avoid the issue of TMI... but i have to go to the lady doctor due to some discomfort...
i am bad, bad, bad... haven't been in FOUR years...
the ob/gyn who did the c-section and hysterectomy has retired... to Canada.
i will be seeing the guy who assisted in the hysterectomy (tried to get in to see another woman and she is booked).
i HATE going... first question is always last period... 6 years later it's no fun answering.
and that's the other thing. it'll be two weeks shy of bee's birthday... and all the things that brings up.
doing some reading of my symptoms...
one of the things that keeps popping up is that it can be tied to women who are entering menopause.... lovely...
34 and entering menopause... i've been hyper-paranoid about that b/c it's a common side effect... sort of like your ovaries figure out that you have no uterus... why keep working...
...sigh...
very much looking forward to our big vacay - but even that has me on full crazy...
called placement to see if they had found someone for the bears yet... nope... they like to wait until it's a little closer... it's one week away... we will be gone for 10 days! bull$h*%
i get it... but ugh.... they will be so confused... and to add into all that craziness... they will get to see mommy for the first time... WHILE IN RESPITE... as in they won't be able to decompress with me... but with someone else.... sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confusing for them
and of course... now that it's coming up that she will be back... the reality of them leaving us gets clearer and clearer...
ugh ugh ugh
was driving around in the midst of this and realized the awful feeling was back... the my skin is on inside out and everything around me irritates it.... ugh ugh ugh - totally a product of anxiety... suckage...
deep breaths, naps, coffee, cleaning.... prayer prayer prayer prayer... i know there must be a plan... but it' s so hard to see...
Praying that you would feel His presence and know His peace. Praying also for those bears. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
ReplyDeleteI read this late, but if you do enter menopause early, you are not alone. I had a PPH/hysterectomy and they were unable to save my ovaries, so I entered menopause at 26 years old. Maybe that won't give you any peace, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
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