do i dare pray

i know GOD can do anything

i know ANYTHING is possible

i know though... HE sometimes has a plan that makes no sense to me

as i stood over my tiny nephew in the NICU and looked at his sweet small frame with wires and tubes coming from every which way... the prayer stuck in my heart...

then i felt it come

like a DEMAND

YOU CAN FIX THIS!!!!! 


YOU SHOULD FIX THIS!!!! 


THEY DON'T DESERVE THIS AFTER ALL THEY'VE ALREADY BATTLED!!!!


as i drove home across the state, i felt myself searching and seeking more... if i could i would sit at his feet, wash them with my tears and the tears of my s-i-l. dry them off with my hair....

my heart is at his feet - my soul lies prostrate

this lil' boy is already a miracle and has overcome other diagnoses - reversed diagnoses... i NEVER dared to pray for healing when it seemed impossible....

now that there's a chance, i'm afraid too...

meeting mommy

i "met" mommy today

over the phone (@ county office during a planning meeting)

sounds like... someone who i could have been friends with

she doesn't sound like an addict

we spoke

i told her i love HER kids... i reaffirmed several times that "they are YOUR kids" she asked if i would write her updates, and i said of course... they are YOUR kids, we love them...

she thanked me...

i told her "baby bear" was getting chubby and had the best belly laugh in the world.

that momma bear was well and that they are visiting brother this weekend

she cried...

i cried...

she asked that we tell her kids she loves them and thinks of them... i promised and told her we pray for her every day...

my heart broke for her ---- i have a love for her i cannot explain.... she is my babies momma... you could hear the love she has for them... so i love her (weird?)


please join me --- pray for her --- pray for strength --- pray for wisdom.... she has some tough things to do to make this work

in the wind

it's been a week since daddy showed and left after 15 minutes

thought he'd want to make up for lost time

no call

no show

they can't find him

he's in the wind

praying he's alright - that nothing has happened to him... praying he hasn't done something insanely stupid...

the truth is... foster parenting with your whole heart involves letting in people you would never associate with usually.

i haven't met daddy but he is my babies daddy... he lets them down... he lets me down

7 months they've been with us... and he's blowing it...

praying praying praying he's alright - even though i would love to kick his.....

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